More positive....

Alright, so here's the deal. My soul needs to make a quarter turn. Not an about face, just a little tweek if you will. I realized in a moment of solitude that even in my "All-thanks prayers" I was thanking Him for my half empty glass. I.E. Thank you for helping me not COMPLETELY lose it, THANK YOU for the beauty of the earth, especially the mountains in Park City (I AM SO MOUNTAIN-HUNGRY), THANK YOU for my ward family in Park City, where I am no longer, which really sucks cause I need my friends and I need to hike etc. etc. You get the point. So even though I was thanking Heavenly Father for everything under the sun it was like I was still thinking about what wasn't there. So I have decided that this is not only unproductive hypocrisy but it is also really detrimental to my spirit.

When I realized this tears came down my cheeks as I humbly asked for guidance on how to return to my normal "GLASS IS ENTIRELY FULL" self. And as always, the Lord, in his infinite wisdom, love and mercy is showing me how. And even in that "AHA" moment, full of His grace, my mind wasn't entirely ready and it began to tug me back to the now and yesterday with "but Kent needs a real job", "I need to have Bella home with me" etc. As soon as the thoughts came I dismissed them showing them the door. They still try to climb in a window but whatever. And at that moment, a perfect vision of hope and light filled my heart and radiated out to my very fingertips. It was an incredible moment and feeling. It was the picture of Kent holding Harry with Bella at his side smiling at me in front of the Portland Temple. And I realized my world is complete. This picture filled me up and I need only to call on it to widen my ability to withstand the now. I also felt that God knows my needs and our wants and He will provide.

Since then when someone asks how I am. I tell the truth, as I did before. "I AM GREAT!" Before it was "I am great...we're doing fine..... blah, blah, blah, something needs to happen, sick of this battle, blah, blah.... "you get the picture.
When I decided to make that turn, and it feels to be a mental, physical, AND emotional turn, everything looks brighter to me. And yes, it has only been three days since I made this decision, but still.

Portland Hills = endurance

Portland Plains= patience

Portland Cliffs= I think I can't take anymore. And I look around and open my eyes. "He that hath eyes let him see." I now have eyes. I am so grateful for the gospel, which makes my life valuable, gives it meaning.

Say What....

Harry: "Mom, we watch Geral Congress?"

Mom: (honestly sorting out the words, and determining if my son will have a brillant political career....what is Geral Congress?) "Oh....you mean General Conference."

Harry: "Ya, that one."

CONVERSATION #1:

Bella: "Mom I want you to meet Jennifer."

Me: "Oh. (honestly looking around). Uh where is Jennifer?"

Bella: "In the glass jar. She is my pet fly."

Me:"Pet fly?"

Bella: "Ya I caught her on the window missing me so I put her in the jar. Can I have a raspberry?"

Me: "For Jennifer?"

Bella: "Ya. She's hungry."

And this tale has a very Bronte-esque ending. Jennifer lives for 5 days in the jar before drowing in the rotten raspberry juice. What a romantic way to go though, ya know, for a fly.

CONVERSATION #2:

Bella: "This is Callie the horse (wooden horse). I got her from a garage sale. That's where all horses come from."

SUMMARY:

I really just don't know what else to say here. I think I may have missed the mark .....not sure what mark but some HUGE, glaring mark somewhere.

This is the animal (crossed out) spider that greeted me as I went running this morning. I think he is smiling and savagely tapping his legs going "hehehehe. I will get you my sweets." And with this spider that Kent caught with the kids comes a new love of the chase and capture of all living things. Where did all my glass jars go? Thanks sweetie!

Quirky....

I wouldn't call myself (air quotes please) "lazy" per se. I am just quirky. For instance, I know that the clock on the thermostat is exactly 1 hour and 8 minutes behind actual time (not to be confused with G.S.T.). It would probably take 30 seconds and 1 brain cell to change the time on the thermostat. As opposed to the mathmatical calculation and 42 brain cells it takes to figure out the exact time using thermostat time. But do I fix it? No. Likewise, I am a believer in the "dirty basket"/"clean basket" approach to laundry. Although I have made an effort to not impose this on anyone's laundry but my own, because I figure that's not a battle I want to fight when the kidlets reach puberty. I recognize that it would take 5 minutes to fold my laundry and put it in it's correct place. I also recognize that it takes me a cumulative 25 minutes searching the basket on a daily basis for 2 weeks for just the right "G" combo.

If my quirks don't kill ya, they just make you stronger. At least that's what I remind my husband.

So here are some of my kids cute quirks:

1. Bob the builder= is pronounced "Bob da biddah" (hourly, we are huge fans.)

2. Bella refuses to wear any sort of jean something or other. If it ain't comfy, it ain't going on. Also, if I suggest something to wear, it gives the outfit the perverbial kiss of death.

3. Harrison is an accessory to everything Bella wants to do/be/play/think. i.e. If Bella is Nala for Halloween, Harrison is Simba. If Bella is walking the dog around the house, Harry is the dog. If Bella decides to renact the food fight in Monsters Inc. Harry is the food thrown or the one food is thrown on, this one can go either way really.

4.Garbage truck day is bigger then disneyland. Although when Harry grows up he wants to drive the dump truck or Cement Mixer. Boats are feared, go figure!

5.Harry is extremely interested in Math/numbers, couldn't give a rat's hind quarters for the alphabet. Hmmmm, I wonder if I should be teaching him Roman Numerials then?

VI. Bella has decided that it is time she read by herself. She is incredible, sounding out anything she wants.

I am busy steam cleaning anything that will hold still. I borrowed my friends machine because I couldn't ignore the filth in the carpet anymore. This is the reason, my children are running and screaming so loudly, they are afraid that if they hold still too long, they will be next to be cleaned. (and I'll just paranthesize something here, because it feels like I paranthesize TOO MUCH.)

Busy Signal...

There is something about a busy signal that strokes my violent and irrational side. Why couldn't Mr. Bell, when inventing the phone with all of it's elementary intricacies, conjure a less annoying sound to indicate the needed party was otherwise engaged? Like a bird chirping or a melodious hum. This is a very long way of saying that I am irritated because I have been trying to get on the phone with the Rec Center people to sign up for some extracurriculars. I don't want ALL of the extracurriculars, just some. I am not a Rec-hog. So why have I (and Kent) tried calling every 3 seconds for 45 minutes to no avail? You do the math. Repeatedly annoying sounds X us (divided respectively) by "Ballet-less" thoughts of our 5 years old= AHHHHHHH!

Bella however has accomplished a tremendous feat this week.


A: Succeed in wearing whatever-the-freak she wants on the first day of school and all subseqent days. Check. I did convince her that brown and brown don't necessarily go together. I simply had to appeal to her "Fancy Nancy inner self" and that one settled itself.



B: Charm the entire Kindergarten class. Check.



C: Confirm that she is indeed better then anyone else on the monkey bars. Check.


D: Stay seated on the bus, rather then "bumpity-bump to the ground like the first fun day."



My To-Do list looked something like this:


A: Remember to put a bra on before going to the bus stop. Check.


B. Get home before someone sees the tears, throwing myself across the bed to wail ridiculously about what feels to be my child's venture into the great adversarial unknown. How did she grow up so quick? Check.


C. And true to form had to have Kent come home to go get the pictures that I was too mentally preoccupied to take before she hopped on the bus. I DIDN'T TAKE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL PICTURES! What kind of mother am I?! So, inevitablly doubt all things I have done and am doing in the motherhood arena. Checkity-check!


All is well in the end of the week. I hold her in my arms a little longer at night now. I stop to stare at her eyes when she is talking (which is alot). I dance a little more with her, and clean a little less. She helps more and is more kind to her brother. So I have given life "the bird" or maybe just a busy signal so I can hold her longer and more. My house looks like it too. Hmmmmm, maybe there is something positive to a busy signal after all.









This is it honey. Your first day of school picture that will follow you until your old and wrinkled. You first and ONLY....I am so so sorry.

"Heart"ing things...

I am not fluent in blog. I speak English, jibberish and a little Austen (felicities, happenstances and other random victorian what-have-you's). I don't know what I "heart" things means. The only mental picture this draws for me is a 80's mullet, wrangler boy drawing an "air-heart" with his fingers and winking. This does nothing for me.

What I do understand is that this morning the sky was on fire with the sun's idea of welcoming another beautiful day. While the sky literally screamed with pinkest pink and the orangest clouds, a perfect rainbow arched over the entire city, from one pot of gold to another with a second rainbow debating an appearance. It took my breath away. It felt like my Heavenly Father was embracing me with the sky, saying "I hear you. I need you. I love you." I don't know why He loves me, but He wrote it in the sky this morning and for that I am grateful. I felt the message while I ran, loud and clear.

So while I quote "heart" unquote alot of things: reading, writing, listening, running, playing, traveling, crafting (kinda), I live for moments like this.....

.... and this....

....and this ....

....and this.