More positive....

Alright, so here's the deal. My soul needs to make a quarter turn. Not an about face, just a little tweek if you will. I realized in a moment of solitude that even in my "All-thanks prayers" I was thanking Him for my half empty glass. I.E. Thank you for helping me not COMPLETELY lose it, THANK YOU for the beauty of the earth, especially the mountains in Park City (I AM SO MOUNTAIN-HUNGRY), THANK YOU for my ward family in Park City, where I am no longer, which really sucks cause I need my friends and I need to hike etc. etc. You get the point. So even though I was thanking Heavenly Father for everything under the sun it was like I was still thinking about what wasn't there. So I have decided that this is not only unproductive hypocrisy but it is also really detrimental to my spirit.

When I realized this tears came down my cheeks as I humbly asked for guidance on how to return to my normal "GLASS IS ENTIRELY FULL" self. And as always, the Lord, in his infinite wisdom, love and mercy is showing me how. And even in that "AHA" moment, full of His grace, my mind wasn't entirely ready and it began to tug me back to the now and yesterday with "but Kent needs a real job", "I need to have Bella home with me" etc. As soon as the thoughts came I dismissed them showing them the door. They still try to climb in a window but whatever. And at that moment, a perfect vision of hope and light filled my heart and radiated out to my very fingertips. It was an incredible moment and feeling. It was the picture of Kent holding Harry with Bella at his side smiling at me in front of the Portland Temple. And I realized my world is complete. This picture filled me up and I need only to call on it to widen my ability to withstand the now. I also felt that God knows my needs and our wants and He will provide.

Since then when someone asks how I am. I tell the truth, as I did before. "I AM GREAT!" Before it was "I am great...we're doing fine..... blah, blah, blah, something needs to happen, sick of this battle, blah, blah.... "you get the picture.
When I decided to make that turn, and it feels to be a mental, physical, AND emotional turn, everything looks brighter to me. And yes, it has only been three days since I made this decision, but still.

Portland Hills = endurance

Portland Plains= patience

Portland Cliffs= I think I can't take anymore. And I look around and open my eyes. "He that hath eyes let him see." I now have eyes. I am so grateful for the gospel, which makes my life valuable, gives it meaning.